Talking about trauma doesn’t heal trauma. For a lot of people it makes them feel much worse.
This is one thing that sets human brains apart from animals. When we visualize something, whether it’s a past trauma or a worry about the future, we perceive danger. And our brain triggers the same physiological reaction to perceived danger as it does to real danger. It triggers that cascade of stress chemicals that kick off the fight/flight/freeze response.
Adrenaline and cortisol physically prepare your body to escape danger by speeding up breathing, making your heart beat faster. The FFF response slows your digestion, changes your appetite, makes your muscles tense and your vision narrow. Emotionally this feels like anxiety. In the moment you bring it to mind, you are physically re-living trauma. And the more you think about it, the easier it is to get stuck in the flight/flight/freeze response.
Rehashing trauma can actually reinforce the trauma, making the fear, panic and shame pathways in the brain thicker and stronger– and making you feel worse.
So in this video, we’re going to talk about another way to process through trauma. And it uses the exact same pathways in your brain that were previously keeping you stuck in flashbacks or re-experiencing trauma. And at the end I’ll give you an example visualization exercise to show you how it’s done.
Why Just Talking About Trauma Isn’t Enough And What Really Helps
Now when I say that talking about trauma doesn’t heal trauma, what I mean is that JUST talking about trauma won’t heal it. And I’m not opposed to talk-based therapies, they serve a role, but you can’t just tell the trauma story over and over and over and hope that this is going to make you heal. So before I discourage any of you from going to therapy, let me tell you how good trauma therapy can work.
If when you talk about trauma, you’re facing your fears, you’re enveloped in the safety of a therapeutic relationship, if you’re working through your body’s sensations and restoring your internal sense of safety, if you’re connecting with your inner flame and being loving and powerful while you talk through trauma- that process can help you heal trauma. But otherwise, just talking about trauma over and over does little to heal your brain and body here in the present moment.
So a good therapist is going to use a bunch of tools like a warm, safe relationship, body-based grounding skills, channeling that activated energy into action, and narrative therapy to help you heal.
And these can all help. But for many people with trauma, the traumatic memories flood the thinking part of the brain and physically prevent the brain from processing them through talk therapy. Fortunately, there’s a way to target the problem of flashbacks and the negative messaging we internalized by using the tool of Visualization, which will help you process trauma.
And Visualization has just 4 steps
Instead of talking about the traumatic event repeatedly, we are going to explore how the trauma is impacting us right here in the present moment. So the first step of this intervention is to:
#1 Explore the beliefs you’ve adopted because of trauma.
How has trauma impacted how you see yourself? How has it changed your identity? Many of my clients believe something like this:
- I’m unlovable
- I don’t deserve to be treated well
- I’m broken
- It’s all my fault, if people really knew what I did, they would hate me.
- I have to hide my true self
- I should have known better – I always make terrible choices. I’m a terrible human being
- I can’t trust anyone
So write down your “I am…(dot dot dot)” statements. These are the self-limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in trauma, long after the danger has passed. When we believe them, our body reverts to that FFF mode, hiding away in our shell. Your traumatic experience may have sent the message in all caps “YOU ARE POWERLESS” “YOU ARE WORTHLESS” “I CAN’T TRUST ANYONE” and somehow we started to believe it, without even realizing that trauma is a liar.
And because we started believing it, we started acting like it. If you believe that you are worthless, you settle for bad relationships. If you believe that you are powerless, you give up on your dreams. And these are the behaviors that keep fueling trauma. Because you believed you were worthless, your new partner mistreats you. Because you believe that you’ll fail at starting a business, you end up working for “the man” and continue to feel powerless and resentful. These trauma-fueled beliefs keep getting reinforced because we keep re-living them in our heads, and in our actions. So instead of talking about the trauma and giving energy to these self-limiting beliefs, we’re going to use the power of visualization to flip the script.
#2. Write what the healed version of yourself would say when he says “I am…(dot dot dot)”
So for example, if your trauma belief is “I’m worthless. I’ll never find true love” The new belief would be “I am totally loveable, I deserve to be treated with respect and love. Someone out there is going to show me this love and I won’t settle for less.”
If your belief was “I AM POWERLESS” the new belief is “I can directly influence my success. I can learn the skills to be awesome at life. I can build a successful business.”
Eventually you are going to replace each trauma-fueled belief with a new, healthier belief, but for now, just focus on one. When you start using the healthy beliefs, you may need to refer back to your list to remember what words you’re using to counteract the trauma-triggered phrases. Eventually, you’ll remember them as they are needed in the moment, but it’s also a good idea to have your list of positive phrases on your bathroom mirror or somewhere else that you will see at the start of your day. These words are your new story, and they can be powerful. Just consider, How would your actions change if you believed your new story?
#3. Get out your journal and visualize in incredible detail what your day looks like when you fully believe each statement.
Write it in the present tense, imagine the small details as you live your life filled with safety, connection, love. What would your day look like? How would you handle challenges? What would flow more smoothly? Why is this the life you’ve chosen? How does it stay true to your values? You could also create a visual representation of this new belief.
I’m going to share a longer example at the end of the video, but let me share a non-trauma example from my editor of how she uses visualization for the novel she’s writing. She says
My visualization practice includes both a written entry and a picture of what I want. The text is as specific as possible. The picture doesn’t have to be exact, but it helps with the visualization. It’s pretty easy to find images online that represent abstract ideas/desires adequately.
She says “The way I do my visualization is I start by looking at the photo, and usually I read the text. Then I close my eyes and visualize. For my book dream, I pretend to hold the finished book in my hands, I sniff its invisible pages, etc. I have a one-minute timer running for each vision board item so I make sure to visualize each item for at least that long.”
#4. Each morning as you wake up or each night before drifting off to sleep, spend 3-5 minutes visualizing yourself fully living that new life.
You could read it to yourself or listen to a recording of it. Picture yourself stepping through a door into this fresh chapter, leaving your old identity behind. Immerse yourself in the details—see it, feel it, and experience it as if it’s already real.
Here’s where things get truly fascinating from a neurological perspective. When you visualize this new life, two groundbreaking things happen:
1- your brain physically experiences the vision- your body physiologically changes to a sympathetical state of the nervous system, feeling safe, confident, relaxed. And this re-wires your nervous system to be sympathetically dominant, what that means is it’s more likely to default to a sense of safety instead of FFF.
The second thing is that doing this visualization is like physically practicing those new behaviors. Athletes do this all the time, and it helps them perform successfully. It retrains your reflexive response to be safe, successful and calm.
By rewriting the trauma story, you rewire your brain to heal from trauma.
If this resonates with you, I challenge you to try these four steps this week. Grab a journal, spend just 5 minutes each morning visualizing your healed self.
You can begin to build a life where you feel safe, confident, worthy of love, and empowered. These new beliefs invite the best out of others too, they treat you with more respect, conversations go more smoothly, problems get solved peacefully. You start to see more success in your life.
I’ve seen it help tons of people and I know it can help you too.
And if you want more support on your journey, this video is part of a series I’m making called “How to Process Trauma”. There are a lot of tools available to help you work through and resolve your trauma in the present moment. So please subscribe if you’d like to learn more. Or sign up for my membership to gain access to my online courses where I teach you to work through limiting beliefs, soothe trauma in the nervous system, and live the rich and meaningful life that you really want.
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Imagine you’re standing in front of a full-length mirror. The reflection looking back at you radiates confidence and self-assurance. You see yourself as someone who is deeply worthy of love and respect—not because of anything you’ve done, but simply because of who you are. This belief is etched into every fiber of your being. As you gaze into your reflection, you feel a quiet, unshakable strength.
Now, picture yourself stepping into a world of dating. How does this belief show up in your actions and choices?
You’re sitting at a cozy café, sunlight streaming through the windows. You’re relaxed, genuinely enjoying the moment. The person across from you seems nice, but you’re not desperate to impress them. You’re simply yourself—authentic, kind, and unapologetically real.
You listen attentively but also share your own thoughts and stories. You aren’t afraid to express what excites you or what you’re looking for. You know that if this connection doesn’t work out, it doesn’t diminish your worth. You leave the date feeling good, not because of their reaction, but because you stayed true to yourself.
Imagine receiving a text that doesn’t sit well with you—maybe it’s dismissive, disrespectful, or just plain off. Instead of brushing it aside or overanalyzing it, you respond with grace and clarity.
You might say, “Hey, I value communication that’s respectful and consistent. Is everything okay?” If the behavior persists, you calmly decide to step away. You don’t feel the need to chase, explain, or fix things. You trust that the right person will naturally align with your standards.
Picture being asked out by someone who seems nice but doesn’t match the qualities you’re seeking in a partner. You thank them kindly and let them know it’s not the right fit for you.
There’s no guilt, no second-guessing. You’ve let go of the need to please everyone or settle for “good enough.” Instead, you’re holding space for the kind of love that feels reciprocal and fulfilling.
Finally, imagine being in a relationship where you notice red flags or incompatibilities. Instead of staying out of fear or hoping they’ll change, you lovingly let go.
You might say, “I value what we’ve shared, but I don’t feel this is the right fit for me.” You leave the relationship with dignity, knowing that walking away creates space for something better.
Now, imagine meeting someone who truly sees you for who you are. They show up with curiosity, respect, and enthusiasm. They take time to understand your values and what makes you happy. Their actions align with their words—they follow through on promises and make an effort to build a connection.
You feel at ease because you don’t have to question their intentions. You’ve attracted this person by standing firmly in your worth, and they meet you there with mutual respect.
As you step back from this visualization, notice how living from this belief transforms your dating life. You aren’t driven by scarcity or fear. You trust that love and respect are abundant, and you will find a connection that reflects your inner worth.
Take a deep breath and remind yourself: I am worthy of love and respect, and I won’t settle for less. When you open your eyes, carry this energy with you.
