In this post I’ll lead you through an exercise from Internal Family Systems called “Mapping your Parts”. In IFS we come to see our different feelings, inner voices, thoughts, urges or habits as “parts” that interact like an internal family. And when we can see them clearly and learn to listen to them, our parts can start to work together for our good.
This exercise can help you when you’re internally conflicted, or have a difficult decision to make, or when you keep reacting to a situation in a way that you don’t like or understand. Your parts can give you a lot of insight into what’s going on.
Internal Family Systems: Healing From Trauma With Compassion
Do you ever wonder why you sabotage your own goals—or why you can feel confident one moment and terrified the next? It’s because you’re not just one “you”.
Inside of you, there’s a whole cast of characters—your cheerleader, your critic, your inner child. Sometimes they get along, but sometimes they’re in conflict with each other. But what if you could meet them, get to know them, and actually get them working together?
That’s what I love about Internal Family Systems therapy. Not only is it an effective therapy for healing from trauma, but it’s also a tool you can use in understanding yourself better, and in working with others. (In the video where I summarized IFS and the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, I shared an example of how I tuned into my parts to help me have a constructive conversation with my husband. Check that out if you haven’t seen it already.)
Mapping your parts will help you identify the parts of you that are hiding or protecting or filling other roles. When you recognize their reasons for what they do and their influence in how you show up in the world, you can begin to care for all your parts in healthy and healing ways.
No Bad Parts: Every Part Has a Good Intention
Okay, before we get to the actual exercise, let’s understand a little more about some of the parts that are pretty common for most people.
There might be protective parts, like the perfectionist or the planner. There might be wounded parts, like the lonely child or the anxious worrier. There’s probably another part that says, “Forget about your feelings. Let’s grab some ice cream and watch TikTok all day.”
Maybe part of you wants to stay home and rest, but another part pushes you to keep working. Or part of you longs to connect, while another part shuts down and hides. We often say things like, “A part of me feels excited, but another part feels scared,” without realizing just how true that really is.
It’s normal and natural to have lots of parts. And just like in a family, sometimes the parts of our internal family system will fight with each other, which leaves you feeling really stressed. Or perhaps your protector parts start taking over, by insisting that you withdraw from a relationship, or use alcohol to numb the pain.
In Internal Family Systems therapy, we see these parts as well-meaning, even if they cause problems sometimes.
With IFS we also learn about a presence that each person has within them that is deeper than the various parts. It’s what we call the Self—the calm, compassionate, wise center of you that can listen to and lead your parts.
You’ll start to see your inner world with more compassion and clarity. You might even discover that every part has a good intention for you.
IFS Mapping Your Parts–Step by Step
But first we have to get to know them. So let’s start Mapping your Parts. This exercise is adapted from the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. It’s a way of drawing out your inner system so you can understand it better and create more inner peace.
Step 1: Prepare for the Exercise
So for this exercise you’ll want a pencil and paper. Or if your overachiever part is loud right now, you can use a different colored marker to represent each part.
This exercise is going to invite you to explore your inner feelings, which at times can bring up some intense emotions. It’s always a good idea to work with a therapist as you do this work, but because many people can’t access therapy, you may be doing this exercise on your own. So if at any time you feel overwhelmed, feel free to take a break, and do some kind of soothing activity. You can always come back to mapping your parts when you’re ready.
Step 2: Identify One Part
Think of a recent time you felt stressed, anxious, or conflicted.
What voices or feelings showed up inside you? For example, maybe a worried part was predicting disaster, a perfectionist part was pushing you to do more, or a playful part wanted to ignore the problem. These are all ‘parts.’
We’re going to start with just one part. Notice where you experience this part. It might come up as a sensation in your body, a thought, or an emotion. And just stay focused on it until you get enough of a sense of it that you could represent that part of yourself on the page, and then draw it. It doesn’t have to be a masterpiece, any kind of image is just fine.
Go ahead and give it a short name (e.g., “The Worrier,” “The Critic,” “The Helper,” “The Rebel”)
Add a few words about what it tends to say or feel.
Draw a simple picture, and give it a few moments to get to know it. You’ll probably have to pause the video and then hit play again when you’re ready.
If you’re like me, some of these parts are not my favorite. You might have a reaction where you feel disgust, anger or fear about this part. This is not your true Self, but it’s another “part” that has a difficult relationship with it.
For me, the first part that showed up was the anxious fixer, and then the second was the perfectionist. Now, some parts of me don’t like the perfectionist, because she fights with the parts that want to be fun or kind or chill. But that’s one of the cool things about this exercise. We’re not making the parts get along. Right now, we’re just giving each part a name and getting to know it.
Step 3: Get to Know This Part with Curiosity
You can also spend some time being curious. You could ask the part:
- What do you want?
- What are you trying to protect me from?
- What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do your job?
Write down any answers. Even harsh or sabotaging parts usually have a protective intention.
So for me, I asked my little perfectionist those questions. And then I just listened with curiosity, and compassion, imagining that scared little perfectionist as if it were actually a person who I cared about.
In IFS, each part is serving a role, it’s trying to help you in some way. Can you be curious? Compassionate?
My perfectionist part was just trying to protect me from hurt and rejection, from feeling never good enough. She was just trying to keep me safe.
Step 4: Let the Self Lead
As I sat with my perfectionist part, and as you notice your part, and you treat it with kindness, you are tapping into that deeper Self I mentioned earlier. The Self is the part doing the noticing. It is the Self who leads, guides, listens to and comforts each of the parts. The Self is already whole. You can feel it as you tap into this deeper truer Self; it’s compassionate, it’s calm, it’s curious.
Draw your capital-S Self on the paper. And from a place of Self, you can go back to being curious about your part that came up earlier. Listen to it for a minute.
Step 5: Repeat for a Few More Parts
And then you might notice a second part coming in. Notice where you feel that part in your body. You might feel a shift coming on, a different set of thoughts or feelings.
Go ahead and draw that part as well. Spend a moment getting to know this new part that has shown up. Draw something to represent it. Give it a name. Write down a few of the things it says or feels. Notice what it feels like in your body .
And then allow yourself to shift to another part. You can repeat this process until you feel like you’ve mapped out maybe 4-5 parts within you. This doesn’t mean you’ve found every part of yourself. Just go ahead and map the parts that are showing up today. Pause the video and restart it when you’re ready.
Step 6: Heal Trauma with IFS Self Leadership
OK, so now you’ve mapped out one cluster of yourself. Dick Schwartz, the creator of IFS, calls this part a little clove of garlic, a cluster of cloves.
Now there might be other clusters within you, but spend some time with just this one for now. Take the piece of paper and hold it at arm’s length. How do the parts of this cluster relate to each other? Do some parts protect others? Do some fight with each other? Are there teams? You could draw lines or circles to indicate alliances.
Call on your capital-S Self and practice being an observer in this system. When we’re blended with each part, we might feel angry, disgusted or scared of some of our parts. Like any family, your parts may fight or let each other down sometimes.
How do you feel toward each part?
Ask yourself, what does this little family system need from me?
Again each time we gain a little perspective, we are separating from our parts a little, freeing our Self to act from a place of curiosity, calm and compassion. When you take the time to step back, connect and listen, you’ll find that trust and harmony will grow, allowing even the most injured members of your internal family system to heal.
As we wrap up, close your eyes again, focus inside, and just thank these parts for showing themselves to you. Let them know that you appreciate them and that you’re going to listen to them again in the future.
Go ahead and come back to the room you’re in.
Personal Example: Mapping My Perfectionist Part
I have to tell you, when I did this “Mapping Your Parts” exercise, I was surprised by what showed up. In the hope that it’s helpful, I’ll share one of the interactions that happened for me.
So, I started by thinking about our morning routine trying to get the kids out to school.
And I recognized my little perfectionist part.
Self: “Hello perfectionist part. How are you today?”
Perfectionist: “I’m fine.” *feeling small, ready to be criticised*
Fixer: “If you work hard enough, you can probably fix yourself.”
Perfectionist: *feels shame*
Fixer: “You shouldn’t feel shamed. You should feel hopeful!”
Perfectionist: *feels more shame* “What’s the matter with me? I should know better. I should be over this by now.”
Self gives a hug: “It’s human to have flaws, even flaws that hurt others.”
Perfectionist cries quietly
Self: “What are you feeling right now? Do you feel bad?” (Staying curious.)
Perfectionist: “I feel like I’m never good enough.”
Self: “How old are you?”
Perfectionist shows herself as a very young 7th grader.
Self: “That’s ok. I’m an old soul. I’m here to support you. I love you. Yes, even you. You’re not alone anymore.”
And as I had this interaction with my perfectionist part, I just felt this healing happen, and this is how IFS works. Our Self reaches out to these parts, these managers and these firefighters, these exiles, and it extends this healing love and compassion. For me it created this shift of gentleness toward myself. And my judgy, perfectionistic part didn’t feel like it had to keep being so judgy anymore.
One of the things you can ask your parts is, “If you weren’t being so ____, what would you be instead?” My judgy part would say, “I would be passionate about doing good in the world!” And that part of me is beautiful. I can extend love and compassion toward that part and it actively creates healing inside of me.
Mapping Your Parts—Don’t Rush It
It’s helpful to give yourself time to process this exercise and get to know your parts over the course of days. To that end, I don’t recommend that you map your whole garlic clove of your internal family system in one sitting. Take some time to get to know each part. You could put your map with the pictures of this little cluster on a tackboard or somewhere you’ll see it, so you can check in with how those parts are doing.
I would work on one clove of a part or cluster of parts, and then revisit this exercise a week or so later. You can also save my video, “Mapping your Parts: This IFS Exercise Can Help You Heal Trauma”, to your own mental health playlist on YouTube. Or check out the series of videos I’m making about Internal Family Systems for healing trauma on the IFS playlist. This video is in that playlist so you can watch it over and over and see how you learn and grow each time.
I really appreciate that you’re here. I’m grateful that people like you are breaking the cycles of generational trauma, working on your own healing so you can help heal the world. And if you found this exercise helpful, I would really appreciate it if you would share it with someone who would benefit from it today. Take care.
