Read on to learn how to stop fighting intrusive or negative thoughts.
Have you ever felt like your thoughts are running the show? Like no matter how hard you try to push them away, they keep coming back, louder than ever? Maybe you deal with intrusive thoughts that feel terrifying, or you constantly overthink every decision. These thoughts can feel really overwhelming and they can seem to stop you from moving forward in life, from being happy, doing your work, or building relationships. If that sounds like you, then let me teach you an exercise that can help you break free from struggling with intrusive thoughts or overthinking.
It’s called the Passengers on the Bus metaphor from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
This metaphor was developed by Dr. Steven Hayes, the founder of ACT, and it offers a simple but powerful shift: You are not your thoughts—you are the driver of your life.
The Metaphor: You Are the Driver
Imagine you’re a bus driver. This bus represents your life, and you get to decide where you go.
It’s packed with passengers, and these passengers are your thoughts, emotions, and memories. Sometimes passengers get on, sometimes they get off.
Some of these passengers are friendly and encouraging. They say things like:
- Thanks for picking me up
- You’re a great driver!
- Or you have thoughts like “I’m really grateful to have supportive friends and family.”
- “I’m getting better at this thing that used to be hard for me.”
But others? They’re loud, critical, annoying, or even threatening. They might yell things like:
- “You’re not good enough!”
- “This is too scary; turn back!”
- “You’re never going to make it, so why even try?”
Some common intrusive thoughts include:
- “What if you lose control and hurt someone?”
- “Did I say something offensive?”
- “What if my partner secretly doesn’t love me?”
- “What if I’m a bad person?”
These thoughts feel so real that they can pull you off course. The passengers might demand that you stop the bus, take a detour, or even let them drive. They try to convince you that they’re in control. But here’s the truth: they don’t actually have the power to steer—only you do.
A lot of us react to intrusive thoughts by fighting them.
Does your bus driver self ever argue with the passengers or try to prove them wrong? You might try anything to get rid of these passengers: yell, try to throw them off the bus, or just give up and stop driving to appease them. But the problem is—the more you resist these thoughts, the louder they get.
For example, imagine a passenger thought says,
“You’re a terrible person.”
If you start arguing—“No, I’m not! I do good things!”—
the passenger will probably remind you, “Oh yeah? What about how you screwed that thing up at work yesterday?”
And guess what? You’re now sucked into a power struggle with your own mind. The more you fight the thought, the more power it has to hold you back.
You might wonder “But what if my thoughts are dangerous? “But what if the passengers physically attack the driver? Shouldn’t I force them off the bus?” This is where we often stall out with intrusive thoughts. They seem so frightening that we get stuck trying to control them–or even worse, we get stuck avoiding them.
Trying to get rid of uncomfortable thoughts and feelings often leads to spinning our wheels or being stuck. You might stop making decisions, avoid risks, withdraw from relationships or give up on things that matter to you just to keep the passengers quiet. But in doing so, you’re letting those intrusive thoughts decide what you do with your life. You’re no longer able to pay attention to where you want your bus to go, because you’re so wrapped up in trying to make the passengers be quiet–or to convince them to change.
We’re going to stick with this exercise because with practice you’re going to learn that the passengers, the thoughts and emotions, can’t actually hurt you. They can’t make you do anything. They just can get really loud at times.
A New Approach: Let the Passengers Ride
This doesn’t mean you like these thoughts or agree with them. It just means you recognize that they don’t have to stop you. When a self-doubt passenger pipes up with, “I don’t think you can pull this off,” you can say, “Thanks for your input, but I’m still driving toward what matters to me.”
Some passengers might always be on your bus. That’s okay. You don’t need them to leave before you can move forward. The goal isn’t to get rid of them—it’s to drive toward your values anyway.
So here’s how you can use this metaphor in your own life to manage intrusive thoughts, unwanted thoughts and really loud overthinking.
1. Identify Your Passengers
Take a moment to write down some of the thoughts, emotions, or memories that tend to show up and derail you. What do they say? What do they try to convince you of?
2. Name and Externalize the Passengers
Give each passenger a name. Maybe your anxious thoughts are “Worry Wart,” or your self-criticism is “The Perfectionist.” Externalizing them helps you see that these thoughts aren’t you—they’re just passengers on the bus.
3. Acknowledge Their Presence Without Engaging
When these thoughts show up, practice saying: “I hear you, but I’m still driving.” Notice them, but don’t argue with them.
When they’re really persistent, you can imagine them sitting in the back of the bus rather than shouting from the front. Try responding with something like, “Wow self-doubt, you’re really loud today. Looks like you need to go to the back of the bus.”
Over time, you may find that some passengers quiet down—or that you simply stop paying so much attention to them.
4. Keep Your Hands on the Wheel
Remind yourself where you want to go. What are your values? What kind of life do you want to create? Values aren’t the same as a destination, values are a direction. So for example, I value speaking up for my beliefs, I value serving and loving others, I value hard work. Values are about knowing the direction you are going in. I am traveling North.
Sometimes people wonder, but what if I still have intrusive thoughts when I’m traveling north? What if the passengers keep yelling at me to turn around? Or questioning my ability to navigate? Shouldn’t they be quieter?
Here’s my answer. They don’t matter. They’re not the ones driving. Thoughts may even seem to threaten you or others, but you’ll learn that the thoughts can’t actually hurt you. When you focus your energy and attention on what you can control, they simply won’t matter as much, and they’ll most likely quiet down.
No matter how noisy the passengers get, keep driving in the direction that aligns with your goals.
Here's an Example
Let’s imagine an example. This bus driver, Sarah, struggles with social anxiety. She values connection and meaningful friendships, but every time she thinks about going to a social event, passengers on her bus start yelling.
- “You’re going to embarrass yourself.”
- “People will think you’re awkward.”
- “You should just stay home where it’s safe.”
In the past, Sarah listened to these passengers. She canceled plans last-minute, avoided meeting new people, distracted herself with her phone, and stayed within her comfort zone. But this avoidance made her feel isolated, disconnected, and regretful.
One day, Sarah decides to handle things differently. She reminds herself: “I’m the driver of this bus. My values—not my fears—decide where I go.” Her value is connection, and that means showing up, even if it’s uncomfortable.
So she goes to the party, and the anxious passengers are still there. They whisper, “You’re saying the wrong thing. Just leave.” But instead of arguing or trying to push them off, Sarah acknowledges them: “I hear you, but I don’t have to listen to you or fight you, I’m choosing connection.” She stays, engages in small talk, and even enjoys herself.
Over time, she realizes something: the more she drives toward her values, the less power the passengers have. They might come and go, sometimes they’re loud, but generally they’re quieter. And most importantly, they don’t get to steer anymore. She starts to build more and deeper friendships, and she starts to feel more comfortable being around people. Sometimes those passengers still yell at her, but she doesn’t listen to them much.
This is how the Passengers on the Bus exercise helps with social anxiety. You don’t have to silence the fear—you just have to keep driving toward what matters.
Summary
Okay, final thoughts. Maybe instead of anxiety, you’re struggling with negative self-talk, emotional regulation, or setting healthy boundaries. I’ve posted lots of videos about those topics, but I really like the Passengers on the Bus metaphor as a tool for improving any of those things. Seeing yourself as the driver is a powerful way to shift your relationship with your thoughts and emotions; you really can coexist with those thoughts without letting them take control.
This is the essence of psychological flexibility: You don’t have to control your thoughts to live a full and meaningful life. You just have to keep driving in the direction that matters to you.
If this video was helpful and you would like to receive more tools for your mental health, I invite you to sign up for my newsletter. Every week I share a couple of videos and resources that can help you get better at feeling.
And next time a negative thought or uncomfortable emotion tries to hijack your journey, remind yourself: “I’m the driver. The passengers don’t get to decide where I go.”
And then, keep driving.
