What if I lose my job?
What if everyone laughs at me?
What if someone I love dies?
What if I trust and my heart gets broken?
What if what if what if?
Sometimes it feels like a giant question mark is hanging over our heads, weighing us down, overwhelming us with the fear of the unknown. Feelings associated with anxiety and depression are exaggerated by a sense of powerlessness or not being in control. But WHAT IF you answered the what-if question? What if you do lose your job? What will you do? Seriously, think about it. Make a plan. Take control of it. More often than not what we fear will happen is far worse than what actually happens (Albert Ellis). We anticipate things and tell ourselves we could never handle it, it’s too much, we just couldn’t deal. And yet, truth be told, when it actually happens, we survive it. It might suck, or be painful, no fun, but we will get through it.
Remember seeing tv shows or movies with a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, both telling us opposite things? Our brain does that too, with rational and irrational thoughts. Usually the negative voice is the one telling us we can’t handle it and it’s going to be horrible! (That’s called catastrophizing.) That little devil is loud and naggy and relentless, not happy until we are miserable. But if you can be your own counselor in your head you can quiet that irrational voice. Talk back to it, go ahead. Answer the what-if. What WILL I do? Make a plan, write it down, stick it in a drawer and pull it out when you need it. That way YOU are in control.
Albert Ellis also said anxiety comes from underestimating your ability to handle things. Don’t fear adversity! You are a survivor. You have been through hard stuff before. Not to say you would like to do it again. But if you have to, you will. And you will survive.
You have go through it to get beyond it.